feels

My Dearest Nucleons

10:42 PM


We are like an alkali atom. You as the nucleus and I as the electron.
You, with the positive charge from the protons.
Me, with all my negativity.

You, still, stick in your place at the center.
Me, spinning on my axis, either clockwise or counter-clockwise, orbiting you.

You, distinctly obvious; your position can be identified precisely.
Me, lost in the clouds; no one would ever know where exactly I am.

The electromagnetic force attracts me to you, but sadly, my dearest nucleons, your nuclear force is much stronger than our bond. You can gather your protons and neutrons all by yourself, while me without you is just an insignificant matter.

Ironic, isn't it, or what do you call it about how easy is our electromagnetic force to get broken down, compared to your nuclear force? How insignificant is losing an electron, compared to ejecting the nucleons? Losing an electron just changes the charge of our atom, while ejecting the nucleons results nuclear decay, transmuting the nucleus, turning our atom into another atom. An electron, at the end, doesn't really matter at all to the nucleons.

Tragic, isn't it, that it takes no energy to get closer to you: in fact, the electron releases some energy to get closer to the nucleus. But it takes an enormous amount of energy for the electron to go farther from the nucleus, especially the one which was so close to it. Unfortunately, I don't have that much energy, while you, still brutally attract me with that electromagnetic force. I have tried, for a million times, crawling out from this force, yet also for a million times I failed miserably.

I am trapped, here, in the clouds of uncertainty, spinning, moving, and orbiting you. I am unstoppable, unpredictable in this bizarre thickness of the probability of quantum mechanic laws. You compulsively imprisone me in this trajectory, just to keep our atom stable rather than really wanting me to stay.

I am tired of all these things, my dearest nucleons. I am sick of repeating my orbit over and over again. I wish someday, a positive ion will get close to us, drawing me away from my obligation to keep orbiting you.

Or better, I wish you will get unstable so I can watch you tearing apart, losing parts of yourself decay, one by one. Because we know, my dearest nucleons, that it's all about stability.

strong

The Carved Heart

8:44 PM


Do you ever feel like your heart is scratched deeply?
That you think the scar(s) will never be mended?

Here, I got a vague idea about this.

The heart is like a special wood that is meant to be carved. We were born with a perfect smooth heart, without any scars. But this heart IS intended to get hurt, just like that wood is intended to be carved. It is inevitable that we have to bear the pain of getting our heart hurt, leaving so many scars according to how many heartbreaks you have suffered.

But hey, that is not the end.

The carves on the wood make it looks beautiful. It looks utterly unprecedented compared to the former plain wood. Every single carve gives an exquisite different style to the wood. The carves, altogether, make a beautiful pattern that transform the wood into something aesthetic in its way.

The scars that hurt your heart are the carves. It does hurt, it does yield pain, but it turns your heart into something beautiful. Every heartbreak that you suffer through leaves a scratch, carving your heart. It was a mark that you are strong enough to endure it.

It is indeed good if you can mend your heart, but we all know that everything takes time. I myself believe that eventually we can mend our heart. But there must be a phase when you have to go on life with those scars.

And then you start to hate yourself for having those scars.
But I'm telling you.

You don't have to be ashamed of your scars. You don't have to hide it every single time. Maybe you think that you can handle it by yourself, but you don't need to. There are some people who really love you, people who accept you as the way you are, the whole you, with all your flaws. People who care about you. People who truly adore you.

Those are the people who can see the beauty of your carved hearts. They understands the meaning of every scars. They see it as a great masterpiece, not as a useless trash. They undoubtedly will stand by your side. And you should not push them away, because you need them. They'll help you to mend your heart.

You don't have to struggle alone, dear.
You deserve to be loved.


Stay strong.
Stay beautiful with the carves.
(someday, I wish, you'll be mended. We mend each other )